His Father's Son
by Willful Redhead
Summary: We are shaped by all that came before.
1. Chapter 1

Adam McFadden leaned his long frame against the kitchen counter and studied his wife. He rubbed his face with his hand and sighed.

"Honey," He said somewhat frustrated. "I just . . ."

"Your feelings are hurt, Adam. Don't let that get in the way of your good sense. Of course you want him here. I do too, but that isn't the point is it? He wants to try his wings."

"I know that. Don't you think I know that?" He sat down at the chair. "It just seems sudden."

"He's been saying it for years! You haven't been listening." She sighed and stepped away from the stove to step in front of him. "Oh, Adam. I know how much you love him and so does he. But he's grown, and you can't keep him here."

He let out a long sigh. "I know it, girl. But he's my . . . I can't imagine him not working at my side."

"He has to decide for himself, hon." She said sitting on his lap and wrapping her arms around him as he buried his face in her shoulder.

"I liked it when they were small." He whispered.

"Me too. Some of them still are sweetheart." She reached out and lifting his chin with her fingers, she kissed him.

"You think kissing me is gonna distract me enough to make me feel better?" He asked.

"It's worth a shot, babe." She said with a grin, her green eyes sparkling mischievously.

"Well, only one way to find out!" He pulled her close laughing as he kissed her.

Just then, Crane dashed in shouting, "The goats got out again!"

"Great!" Adam smiled at his wife and she rose grinning at him.

"Well, I suppose that might distract you, too." She told him as he sighed and followed Crane outdoors.

"Who left the gate open? Pretty inconvenient. I was in the middle of a business meeting." He grumbled.

"Yeah, right! Some meeting! Sorry Dad!" Crane laughed and turned to chase down a wayward goat.

"Keep 'em away from the garden! They get into those plants, I'll be hearing about it for a week!" He turned as something caught his eye. "Oh, no you don't!" He said scooping Guthrie up and into his arms. The toddler protested by bursting into loud and stormy tears. "Kate!" He hollered toward the back door. "One of your cowboys escaped!"

She stepped out on the back step and shaking her head lifted the small boy from his father's arms. "Guthrie! You quit that crying! Dada's got to round up those goats and you are taking a nap! Mama is going to drink one cup of coffee- just one with no one tugging on her." Guthrie stopped crying and nestled in his mother's arms, perfectly content.

She watched as her husband and four oldest sons tried to wrangle the goats back into their pen. She shook her head and went back to the livingroom where Ford and Evan were coloring.

"Come on, my little Cubby Bear! Sleepy time." She glanced at Ford who sat at the coffee table cheerfully coloring. She looked around. "Where's Evan?"

"Hiding. " Ford answered without looking up.

"Why?"

"'Cause Dada's mad at him."

She sat down at the couch next to him. "No. He isn't."

"Yep. Evan was bad. Dada's gonna be mad." Ford looked up at his mother with bright blue eyes.

"No, he wasn't. What did he do?"

"Somethin'." Ford said with a shrug. "Baby's sleepin'."

She glanced down at Guthrie who had fallen asleep in her arms. She sighed and glancing at Ford said, "I'm gonna lay him down. Maybe you can get Evan to stop hiding so I can talk to him." She leaned over and kissed his blond head. She took Guthrie up to her bedroom, laying him down in his crib. She tucked a small stuffed tiger under his arm and went back down the stairs.

"Will he come out?" She asked Ford, but Ford shook his head. "Well, I guess I'll just have to hide with him then. Can you show me where?"

Ford hesitated.

"Please?" She smiled at him and he lifted his hand pointing to the dining room table. She smiled as she spotted a reddish-golden head that ducked behind a table leg. She crossed the room and crawled under the table. She sat cross-legged across from him, her head bent low.

"Why are you hiding?" She asked him directly.

"Daddy's gonna be mad." He whispered.

"Why?" She asked him.

"I can't tellya." He said seriously. "You'll tell 'em. You tell 'em everything."

"Oh, well, I suppose you are right about that." She considered him thoughtfully. "You know, Daddy found Guthrie outside just now."

Evan looked up sharply; his face a portrait of guilt.

"But Guthrie doesn't know how to open that back door." She raised an eyebrow at Evan.

"He wanted to see the goats." Evan whispered, a tear rolling down his cheek. "I wanted to show him. I wanted to help, like Junior."

"I understand, son. But all the goats got out and Guthrie could've got hurt."

"I know."

"You aren't big like, Junior. Those goats could knock Guthrie down and you aren't strong enough to stop them."

"Yes, ma'am. I'm sorry Mama." He sighed.

"But you are big enough to say sorry." She smiled at him and opened her arms as he crawled into her lap.

"Is Junior really gonna leave?" He asked softly.

"Yes. He's going away to school."

"Who'll take me riding?"

"Brian and Crane. You got plenty of big brothers."

"I guess. Do you want Junior to leave?" He studied her thoughtfully.

"Well, no and yes." He raised an eyebrow at her, perplexed. "Being a mommy and daddy is a short-term job. You teach your sons and then you send them out into the world. Some day, you'll leave too, but you'll always be my boy - no matter how far you travel."

"I'll never leave you, Mama." Evan said seriously. "Do you think Dada will forgive me?"

"I just might." His father said peering under the table at him. "Will you give me a kiss and say sorry?"

"I'm so sorry!" Evan said crawling out from under the table and up into his father's strong arms. "Please forgive me! Please!"

Adam hugged Evan close and said, "I forgive you, son."

Overjoyed, Evan held his father's face in his hands and kissed him on both cheeks. "I love you Daddy." He said.

"I love you, too, Evan. Now, go back and color with Ford, okay?"

"Yes, sir." He set Evan down and watched him run back to the living room. He sighed and then realized that his wife was still sitting under the table. He leaned down low and lifting the table cloth looked at her.

"Kate?" He asked.

"It is really quiet down here." She said looking up at him.

"I suppose." He glanced around. "Are you coming out?"

"You know, they might not notice I'm down here. I could probably take a nap." She smiled up at him.

"Looks temptin', but darlin', I'm six foot four, remember?"

"I'm five foot three. And who was inviting you, anyway? I said _nap_ Adam Jackson!"

He held out a hand to her and she crawled out from under the table and pouring herself a cup of coffee, sat down. He sat across from her at the table. "You don't look old enough to have a boy going off to college."

"Neither do you." She said.

"Of course,you also have a one year old." He pointed out.

"Nearly two." She said.

"Two? That means it is time for another!" He said laughing.

"Oh, no. Seven sons is more than enough. Don't be greedy."

"The next one could be a girl." He said laughing.

"I fell for that before." She sighed. "Besides, with Junior leaving, any new baby wouldn't even know him." She twisted a piece of her auburn hair around her finger. "Do you think Guthrie will remember Junior?"

"Guthrie loves Junior. He's always sneaking into his room."

"I know, but he's so little, and Adam, he's gonna leave. You know some girl's gonna steal him from us."

"That was bound to happen even if he stayed here, hon." He studied her face and rose and squished himself in the chair next to her. He kissed her cheek and wrapped his arms around her. "You are right, darlin', this day has been coming for ages now. He's grown, and needs to make his own road. I know that and so do you."

She rested her head against his chest and they sat together in silence both of them remembering their first child.

"Remember when we brought him home?" She asked softly.

"He was such a good and happy baby." He said. "He gave us false expectations. Remember how much Brian used to cry?"

"Except when Junior was near. Junior, could always stop Brian's crying." She looked up at her husband. "His leaving will make things easier for Brian, you know."

"I know." He said with a sigh.

"He's no easy act to follow. And you know, he'll do well at whatever he puts his hand to; you taught him to be a good, dedicated worker."

"You taught him, that." He said to her. "I just . . . he's so good at it. It comes so naturally to him. He'd be such a good rancher."

"And maybe he will be, but he's going to college first, Adam."

"I know, and I want that for him. He's so smart." He rested his chin on the top of her head. "I just . . . it's like losing my right hand."

"Mine, too. He's so good with the little boys, and Guthrie . . . I don't look forward to listening to that baby cry for his big brother!"

"I'm not looking forward to watching you cry for your baby boy!" He teased.

"Oh, he's not a baby any more. I have to accept it. Still," She sighed and turned to look up into her husband's face. "How we'll miss him!"

"Yeah, but every bird's gotta fly away sooner or later. Least, that's what you keep telling me."

"Are you admitting I'm right?" She asked him, but he kissed her, instead of answering.


	2. Chapter 2

Adam Jackson McFadden, Jr. stood in the center of his little brothers' bedroom. He held his brother, Ford, tucked under his arm like he was carrying a surfboard. Ford giggled as he dangled somewhat upside down.

"Hey, Evan, have you seen Ford? Mom told me to put him to bed but I can't find him."

"He's there!" Evan shouted from where he sat in his bed, clapping his hands with glee and then pointing.

"Where? I don't see him?" His older brother spun in a circle looking behind him.

"There!" Evan repeated.

"I don't . . ."

"I'm here!" Ford shouted, tugging on his brother's arm. "Here!"

Junior looked down in mock surprise. "I've been looking all over for you! You know what I have to do now."

"Don't do it,Junior! Don't!" Ford begged clung to him.

"I gotta." He swung Ford high in the air and tossed him into his bed. Ford squealed in delight and landed laughing.

"Night, cowboys." He said clicking off the light. He stepped out into the hall and nearly stepped on his baby brother, Guthrie who was running naked down the hallway.

"Where are you going?" He asked lifting him up. Guthrie laughed with joy and Adam looked up to see his mother coming toward them.

"He heard your voice and took off running. He likes you better than me!" She laughed.

"It's because I'm so charming." He teased his mother. He handed his brother to his mother. Guthrie squirmed and reached for him.

"Sorry, buckaroo." He said.

"I don't know what's gonna happen when you leave." She said with a sigh. "It's gonna break his heart."

"Thanks for the guilt, Mom."

"Welcome to adulthood, Junior." She grinned and turned back didn't the hallway.

"Adam!" He corrected her.

"And you better be home by eleven, _Adam_, or Adam senior will have your backside."

"Night, Mama." He grinned at her and went downstairs where he was immediately greeted by his brother Danny.

"Wanna play Monopoly?" The nine year old asked him.

"Sorry, but I'm taking Liz out tonight."

"Oh." His brother hung his head sorrowfully and slumped into the couch.

"Maybe Crane will play?"

"Nah, he's reading."

"Tell you what, Danny. I'll play tomorrow, okay?"

His brother's face lit up with joy. "Okay!"

He reached out and mussed Danny's hair.

"Junior, here you go." His father said coming into the room and handing him the keys to the truck. "Eleven. Not Eleven fifteen. Not eleven oh five. Eleven."

"What time?" He accepted the keys from his father.

"That mouth's gonna get you in trouble boy." His father teased.

"Only if he talks," His brother Brian said as he came into the room. He sat on the couch. "And he's not planning on talking tonight, are you _Junior_?" He grinned wickedly at his older brother.

"You act like a gentleman, young man." His father shook a finger at him in warning.

"Always, sir." But he winked at Brian.

"I'm sure." His father turned toward Brian. "Come on, you're gonna help me get the harrow put back together."

"Dad!" Brian whined. "It's Saturday night for pity sakes."

"You got plans? Or do you plan to sit on the couch on your backside while your poor old, old father works?"

"I'll help you, sir." Brian said reluctantly and followed his father out the back of the house. "I gotta get a girl." He said grumpily to his older brother.

"If you can find one who doesn't mind ugly."

"Watch it, Junior!" His father said stopping sharply. "Just because you can tease a brother, doesn't mean you should."

"Brothers stick together first." His mother said coming down the stairs.

"How do you even know what we are talking about?" Junior asked his mother, hoping to divert the conversation away from himself.

"I don't. It is just good advice and almost always applies." His mother said.

"Living with eight men has made you crazy." He told his mother. "I'm going out. You folks enjoy the ranch." He turned abruptly, happy to make an escape before his father's inevitable lecture on the responsibilities of being an older brother. He knew the lecture by heart and had delivered it to Crane, Danny, and Evan on his own a time or too. He once tried to give the lecture to Brian, but he had burst out laughing. He walked down the front steps with a glance back at the large farmhouse. Through the glowing light of the windows, he could see his mother in the kitchen with Danny who was no doubt setting up the Monopoly board. His mother had infinite patience and would play game after game with his brothers. He didn't know how she did it. She was a tiny woman; Danny was nearly taller than her, and yet she had perfect command over all of his brothers. He could never in a million years manage them on his own.

***7***

"So you're breaking up with me." He said to Liz who sat beside him in the truck.

"No, I'm just pointing out the obvious." She sighed and brushed her long, blond hair back over her shoulder.

"I don't understand." He said. "We've got two months left of school. Why are we talking about this now? Why tonight?"

"Adam," She said slowly. "I know what you are thinking."

"You do? Because right now I'm thinking I have no idea what to think!" His voice conveyed great irritation.

"Look, you are gonna be in San Diego, and I'm gonna be in Oregon. Are you planning on a long-distance relationship?"

"Well, I don't know." He said his eyes darting away from her gaze. He fully intended to break-up with her after graduation.

"Adam, you are the world's worst liar!" She shook her head at him with a grin. "I don't want you to go to Prom with false expectations."

"Liz," He began.

"I know what all the boys are talking about."

"I am not all the boys." He argued irritated.

"I know, but you are still a boy." She sighed again. "It isn't like I don't want to, but it is kind of a big deal. And you . . . you aren't the kind of guy who does things half-way. I don't want you feeling like you are connected to me for all of eternity."

"I am connected to you for all of eternity. You are my first real girlfriend and you always will be."

"Adam, you know how you'd feel about it. It's why we haven't . . .you aren't planning on marrying me are you?" Her bright blue eyes widened with shock at the thought.

"No, Liz. I mean, I don't know. I'm not even eighteen yet. There's no way I could know that right now."

"That's exactly my point. You would want to if we did. I know it. I'm sorry, Adam. I just don't want to mislead you. So if you'd rather break up now, then fine. I just wanted you to understand things first."

"What am I some kind of jackass neanderthal? Who do you think I am, Liz? You think I've been building this whole relationship leading up to Prom where I finally get what I want? Geez! I like you. You are one of my best friends. I like being around you. The fact that I like kissing you too, is kind of bonus."

"That isn't what I meant." She said irritated.

"Well, it is how it sounds! I don't want to break up with you! I want you to keep on being my girlfriend. I want to take you to Prom and dance with you. I want to stay up late and not have to worry about the stupid ranch and my brothers for two hours. I want to see you when I walk across the stage at graduation and see you and know you are my girl. And when I go to San Diego, I want to take all those memories with me."

"Adam, I'm sorry." She leaned against him looking up with big eyes.

"I'm sorry, too." He said putting an arm around her.

"You are okay with it?" She asked.

"I guess I have to be." He said with a grin. "I mean it isn't like I'd mind if you changed your mind, but . . . I guess I can see your point. It kind of sucks, but I'll manage." He said.

***7***

He took the stairs to the front door two at a time, with a glance at his watch. He hesitated in front of the door, studying the second hand. He flung the door wide and jumped inside as the hands of his watch hit 11:00 exactly.

"Ta da!" He said looking around the room for his father who always, always waited up.

"Nice." His father said getting up off the couch.

"You thought you were gonna catch me, didn't ya!" He laughed. "I'm getting smart in my old age, Dad."

"I suppose. Better get to bed though, old man. You got church in the morning and you know how your Mama feels about snoozing in."

"I bet when I get to college, it is gonna feel like a vacation. No cows to milk, no brothers to watch, no stock to check, or horse stalls to muck out. It'll just be girls and books." He smiled thinking of it.

"You might miss home." His father said softly shaking his head.

"I guess." He said but seeing his father's face he added. "I was _kidding_, Dad. Of course, I'll miss you! I've seen you every single day for my entire life! And I'll be with all those city kids. Maybe I should buy us a tv before I leave. I can study up on being cool over the summer so I won't look like a hick at school."

"Save your money. The world takes notice of a true man. You don't need to mold yourself after others, boy. You are an original. A McFadden man has a charm all his own."

"Now, you are starting to sound like Mama." Junior said shaking his head. His father smiled at him and squeezed his shoulder affectionately.

"Night, Dad." He said with a grin.

"Night, son."

His father watched him go, and it comforted Junior to know that even now; even at seventeen, he was still held under his father's loving gaze. He understood too, that his father always wanted him close. He understood that it must pain his parents greatly to send him on his way, and yet he longed to break free of their loving embrace and see the world beyond the tiny town he'd lived in all his life. He was thankful that his parents were wise and generous enough to allow him to step out and away from the circle they'd held him in; trusting him to continue on without their daily influence. He sighed thinking of all the nights he'd climbed into this very bed; in this very room. He wondered about the days to come and what they would bring. He was so close to freedom, he could taste it. It filled him with both wonder and great fear. He closed his eyes and felt a strange kind of homesickness even though he hadn't left home; a strange longing for the days when he was as small as his brother Guthrie, sleeping safe in his mother's arms.


	3. Chapter 3

Adam McFadden, Jr. hesitated before walking across the stage. He felt somewhat ridiculous in his long blue robe. _Why do we have to wear these?_ He thought to himself. He shook the hand of his principal and the two other men who'd been introduced earlier, but he couldn't remember their names or who they were. He accepted his diploma and didn't look out to the audience until then. He could see his family - the long row of familiar faces easy to spot. No other family consisted of six sons. His mother was crying; he could see that even from here. He'd come downstairs wearing his robe earlier today and she'd burst into tears and had been crying off and on since then.

He accepted his diploma and disappeared back into the crowd of his class. He had done it. He was finally, finally finished with school. He stopped listening to the names and thought of the sweet warm air of San Diego, the sound of the ocean and a life apart from the Circle Bar Seven. It wasn't that he hated the ranch. He loved it. He loved his family. He loved his pesky little brothers who constantly begged him to help him do this or that. He even loved little Guthrie reaching out to him with sticky fingers and clinging tightly to his neck, kissing him and drooling on his cheek. But the unending sameness of his life: chores, school, chores, homework, sleep. He was so ready for it to end. He wanted to see the world beyond. He couldn't wait.

_Elizabeth Rebecca Thomas._

He'd almost missed watching Liz cross the stage. His mind snapped back to the ceremony and he watched Liz who looked ridiculously beautiful. He smiled and waved knowing she would look for him.

He planned to break up with her in July. He felt guilty for thinking about that at this particular moment, but there was no way in hell, he was going off to San Diego with a girlfriend back at home. It was ridiculous to think that two seventeen year olds could maintain a long distance relationship! He had no plans to marry her, or anyone else for that matter - not for a long time to come!

***7***

"He's just humoring us." Kate McFadden sighed and said to her husband.

"Well, I can't imagine we were anxious to hang around the house after we graduated. He wants to go off with his friends. I suppose we ought to let him." He smiled at his wife. "It's not like he's leaving for college tomorrow Katie! You've got a couple of months yet."

"Ten weeks." She said.

"Not that anyone is counting." He grinned at her. She was beautiful. He still couldn't believe that they had seven sons - and one just graduated from high school! Brian would be next. He still saw the eighteen year old bride whose veil trembled as she'd walked down the aisle toward him. She was only thirty-seven years old! Of course, it had seemed they'd done everything early and at high speed. She'd been fourteen years old on their first date - unbelievably young now that he looked back on it. He would never let one of his sons take a girl out at fourteen!

"Why are you in such a rush?" People always used to ask them that. Especially after they had Adam, ten months to the day after they had married.

It was hard to explain. Partly it was Katie - he'd loved her so from that first date! He'd wanted to marry her _before_ they'd finished high school, but her aunt had laughed and thought he was kidding when he'd asked her.

Partly it was because of all that they had lost. Her mother had died when she was just two, and her father when she was ten. The only family she had was an older aunt who had no time or real interest in her. His father had abandoned his mother when he was four years old, and the two of them had moved back to her grandfather's ranch which was in a state of disrepair. She had died just before Evan had been born.

The only family they'd really had was the one they'd created. They had determined that the next generation of McFadden's would be swarmed with family - always someone to watch over and to care. Kate was particularly determined that her boys would never have to suffer alone without loving eyes on them.

Maybe that's why letting Adam Jr. go had been such a struggle for them both. They'd known it was coming - she was right about that. Junior had declared over and over that he wouldn't spend his days chasing cows in isolation, and he could hardly blame him. He could understand the longings of youth. His own longing had been for roots, and thanks to Kate he had that, but now their first born son longed for wings. He sighed and wrapped an arm around his wife.

"I suppose we ought to let him off the hook." He squeezed her shoulder.

"Alright." She sighed. "Let's give him his present so he can get off to more exciting things." She looked so sad that he leaned over and kissed her, laughing.

"He'll still be here for morning chores, darling. Try not to look so heartbroken." She wiped her eyes and stepping away from him gathered their sons around them.

The small party of family and a few friends all gathered in their front room with Adam Jr. and his parents at the center.

"Well, Junior . . . I mean, Adam, here has a few other parties to attend so we thought we'd give him his graduation gift and send him out to better things." Adam McFadden said to those gathered close.

"Ju Ju!" Guthrie said clinging to his oldest brother's legs. Adam Jr. sighed and lifted his baby brother up into his arms.

"Everyone here knows about his scholarship and how he'll be heading off to San Diego in a few weeks. Now, Katie and me, are sorry to see him go." He swallowed hard, suddenly finding it difficult to talk. "We uh, we love our boy. Adam here is so smart, hardworking and determined."

"You forgot good-looking!" Junior said trying to lighten his father's mood.

"That goes without saying seeing as how much alike we look!" The small crowd laughed. "Anyway, we are proud of you son. We always have been. And wherever you roam, you take us with you; always. Even fifty years from now when your Mama and I are gone from this earth, we will still be here." He pointed a finger at his son's chest. "For always."

Junior ducked his head, embarrassed that tears had sprung to his eyes. Brian and Crane appeared then revealing a brand new set of luggage. It had a bright blue bow on it and a tag. His mother stepped forward then, and he knew he was a doomed man. There was no way he could hold back tears when she spoke.

"It's hard not to look at you and see you a tiny baby still." She said softly. "I know you are grown, but my brain can't grab hold of it somehow. We love you, Junior; wherever you go and whatever you do. How I'd love to keep you here at this ranch for all time! I know God gave us to you first because He knew you'd be strong enough to lead these brothers of yours!" She sighed. "But the world is yours now, son; all of it. And I can't think of a better man to send out into it." She stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek. "Go on now, see it all." Her voice was lost briefly in tears. "But call your Mama once in awhile, okay?" The crowd laughed and he nodded, and wrapped his arms around his mother lifting her off the ground in a hug.

"I love you, too, Mama." He said. "I'll call you all the time. You're my Mama." He set her down and kissed her cheek. "You always will be the first girl I ever loved."

***7***

Adam stood desolate before the stone markers. His brothers were all at the house. His parent's friends Mike and Marlene watching over them. He had no time for himself at the funeral and burial. Guthrie clung to him and both Ford and Evan sobbed holding onto his legs. It was all he could manage to guide his little brothers through the service. So many people longed to help but his brothers wanted only him. Even now, he wasn't truly free to think or feel his own sorrows; his heart was divided between his own deep pain and that of his brothers. Danny had not spoken a single word since he'd been told his parents were gone forever. He kept seeing Danny's broken eyes before him.

He found himself speaking without even realizing it.

"What am I supposed to do now?" He studied their names freshly carved into stone. "I can't . . . Mama . . . What am I supposed to do?"

He thought of the warm San Diego sun and the sound of waves lapping against a golden shore.

_We heard of the recent deaths of your parents. If necessary we are more than willing to put your scholarship on hold for a semester or a year. We understand what a difficult time this must be for you and your family. We are trying to locate your next of kin so that we can contact the adult responsible for you. Your forms appear to be incomplete. We saw no names other than your parents. _

Responsible adult.

Guardian.

"_Who's going to look after your brothers?" Liz had asked him. "Don't you have family?"_

Family.

A senile aunt in a home far away.

Six brothers.

_"You're still going aren't ya?" His friend Michael had asked. "They can't expect you to take care of them! You're seventeen for heaven's sake!"_

"_Yeah," Hoops agreed. "You gotta go, Adam! You aren't their parent!"_

Seventeen.

A minor.

_"Adam, no one will judge you." Marlene said gently. "They are all so young! So are you! So many people would love to take your brothers in. And no one - no one - not even your sweet Mama would think any less of you."_

_"You aren't leaving?" Crane looked up with wide frightened eyes. "Some of them were saying you were gonna go. That they'd split us up. You aren't, are ya Junior? Please . . .don't . . ." Crane covered his face with his arm, hiding his tears._

The sound of his brothers' crying was always with him; every second, every day. He had been the one who'd faced them. He'd been the one who'd opened his lips and spoke the darkest words he had ever heard and watched their faces twist from confusion to anguish.

_Crash._

_Gone._

_Forever._

"Adam?" He looked up startled, surprised to see Brian standing near him. "Adam?"

"You remember to call me it now." He said, shocked by the sound of his own bitterness. "Guess won't be no confusion now, huh?"

"Adam." Brian said horrified.

"Sorry . . .I . . ." He covered his face with his hands, ashamed to break down in front of his younger brother. "I don't know what to do, Brian! How am I supposed to know what to do? I wanna ask . . ." He sobbed. "But he's gone! What am I supposed to do? I'm not 18! They are gonna send all of them . . ."

"Junior," Brian said stepping forward and wrapping his arm around Adam. They were the same height. Adam couldn't remember when that happened. "I don't know man. I don't know."

Adam drew in a deep breath and broke free of Brian's embrace. Brian watched him as Adam wiped the tears from his face, his jaw becoming a hard, set line.

"I'm not losing them too. Guthrie's a McFadden. He's not gonna be raised by anyone but a McFadden. Brian placed a hand on the center of his older brother's chest, his eyes filled with tears he could only nod in response. Adam wrapped his own hand over Brian's but remembering instead his father's finger pressed in that same spot, and his deep, comforting voice saying,_ "You take us with you; always. Even fifty years from now when your Mama and I are gone from this earth, we will still be here; for always."_

_***7***_

The brothers ran to them as they returned. Guthrie nearly jumping from Marlene's arms into his. He sat holding Guthrie, Ford on one side and Evan on the other. Brian sat across from him and pulled a stoic Daniel into his arms and onto his lap. Crane hovered near Brian's left elbow.

"Hey, Buckaroos." He began gently thinking of his mother's warm, soft voice.

"You going?" It was the first words that Danny had uttered since That Day.

"No."

Danny began to shake with sobs so violent that Adam thought the chair would fly apart. He stumbled forward, and Crane lifted Guthrie from Adam's arms. He opened his arms and Danny fell into them. "Please! Please! Promise it! Never leave me! Please! You are all I have!"

He held his sobbing brother in his arms and kissing the top of his head, running a hand through his shaggy, brown hair.

"I promise it, Danny. I won't leave you; not ever. Brothers stick together first."

He rested his cheek against his brothers head feeling tears run down his own face. Across from him, Brian nodded as he, too, wept. He felt Ford and Evan's small hands running comforting circles on his back, as Crane with Guthrie nestled in his arms, sat on the arm of the chair wrapping his long, skinny arm around Brian's shoulders.

_I know God gave you to us first because He knew you'd be strong enough to lead these brothers of yours. _

His mother's words reverberated deep within the chambers of his heart and looking down at Danny who clung tightly to him, he prayed with all his heart that she was right.

***7***

Author's Note:

Thanks for all the reviews and whatnot. I really appreciate it. (And for those who keep asking - I'm working on a Dan and Rebecca story - so hang in there!)


	4. Chapter 4

Adam McFadden stood at a rise of a hill looking out over the vast Circle Bar Seven land. This was, without a doubt, his favorite spot on the entire planet. He loved it here. He couldn't even really explain why. It was as if he was made for this very spot; the cells in his body recognizing this true home. He sighed. His father was _not_ going to be happy about this particular conversation. He knew he was letting him down; _knew it_. No matter what words his father said, he understood what his father really wanted for him; for his future. His mother had tried to reassure him time and again, but he recognized the look in his father's eyes. He was glad that they would have the conversation here at the ranch. He walked back across the fields, the house at first a small brown dot in the distance but then growing bigger as he neared it. His father was on the porch waiting for him. It was surprisingly quiet and Adam recognized that everyone must have run off, knowing what an important conversation they were about to have.

"Dad, look I've thought a lot about what you said - a lot. But I just . . . It would be such a waste."

"Your education would never be a waste, Adam."

"Yeah but I can take classes at the junior college. It's just forty-five minutes away and so much less money."

"Money isn't the issue." His father said. "You might change your mind. You might regret it later. It's unending hard work - believe me, I know."

"I've done the work. I don't want to go to school and talk about it. I want to work the ranch."

"Adam." His father sounded exasperated.

"Dad, I'm not like you. I don't want to roam the world. I want to be here. I don't need school. Who could teach me more about ranching?"

"You are so stubborn." His father shook his head.

"So are you!"

"That's the damn truth." His father paused stretching his back, and running a hand through his thick brown hair. "I feel like I've had this conversation before but last time I was on the other side; begging to leave."

"What'd Grandpa say?"

"Oh, well, he's a complicated man, Adam. He was scared to send me out and he had good reason. I got lucky is all." He sighed rubbing a hand over his face. "I wanted to be anywhere but here!"

"This is the only place I wanna be."

"Can't fight gravity." His father said shaking his head.

"Dad." Adam said seriously, and his father's face broke into a grin.

"Adam, God, you should see your face right now! You look so serious!" His father surprised him by laughing.

"Wha . . . What?" Adam felt as though gravity itself was tipping.

"I've known you your whole entire life! You think I didn't know what you want; what you want to say to me? Son, listen, I just want you to consider all the options - that's all. School can't hurt, you know."

"I thought . . ."

"That I'd be angry? That I'd force you?" He laughed out loud then, and turning said over his shoulder. "I know you are listening to this and laughing your ass off right now! Don't even try and hide! Get on out here!"

"Oh no, I already lived this once. You are on your own, Danny boy." His brother said from inside.

Daniel turned back to his son, "Listen Adam, I only want you happy and I couldn't think of a better man to send you to. Just promise me you'll take some courses. Even a rancher needs an education."

"I promise." Adam Daniel McFadden smiled up into his father's face and wrapped his arms around him. His grandparents stepped onto the porch then, his Grandmother wiping tears from her eyes.

"You crying, Hannah?" Daniel asked.

"I've never laughed so hard! Oh, I'm sorry Daniel but that conversation was a fantastic payoff for all those fights I suffered through. Lord! It was glorious to see you on the other side of it." She squeezed Daniel's arm affectionately, kissing his cheek.

Daniel wrapped an arm around her. "I guess you earned it _Grandma."_

"Don't call me, Grandma, _Danny_." She teased back.

Adam Daniel had long ago accepted the uniqueness of his family. His father being a musician was enough to set his sisters and himself apart from the crowd. Or just being from a family of ranchers made them unique but throw in his Dad's family history and you had enough oddities for a tv mini-series. He understood that Adam Jr. was really his uncle and Hannah his aunt, but he'd almost always called them Grandpa and Grandma; all his cousins did. The titles best described who they were and fit them despite the fact that both were entirely too young for the role.

He and his sisters considered Circle Bar Seven home; not the houses in LA or Tennessee. Every holiday and summer was spent here. His sister Amelia loved the road and seeing new places. _She_ was never homesick, but he had longed everyday to be here, and now at seventeen, it was his choice at last.

"He's still pretty green." He heard his father say.

"Everyone is to start." His grandfather said with a wink at him. "Time'll mend it."

"True that." Daniel agreed. "You don't mind taking on another bull-headed McFadden?"

"Oh, that's our standard issue." Hannah said laughing. "Come on Daniel and bring the Adams with you. I got a pile of food just waiting."

***7***

The brothers sat on the front porch as the moon rose over the Circle Bar Seven. Daniel turned to Brian who handed him a beer.

"Anyone hear from Evan?" Brian asked settling down on the top step next to his oldest brother.

"He called the other day. He hurt his shoulder again. I don't know. He might need surgery." Adam said pausing to take a drink. "I don't know how he does it! I couldn't get tossed like that day after day. Seems to me there are easier ways to make a living."

"Strumming a guitar is as easy as it gets." Brian said with a wink at Daniel.

"Yeah, but some folks prefer tagging cows." Daniel said with a shake of his head.

"Well, I knew at least one of your brats would see the light." Brian said with a laugh. "I'm just glad it wasn't Anna! She's the tiniest thing! Every time she goes out riding I about die of fright thinking that horse is gonna buck and throw her to the moon!"

"You're just used to boys." Daniel said teasing him. "Those linebacker sons of yours give you a false sense of normal."

"We're McFadden's," Adam remarked. "We don't have normal." He sighed. "Geez, I'm tired. When did we get old? I don't remember getting old, do you?"

"Speak for yourself, old man." Brian said. "I'm a baby yet."

"How's that arthritis? Still bothering you?" Daniel asked his brother, and Brian gave him a gentle shove.

"How do you feel about your boy turning rancher?" Brian asked him.

"Oh, we saw it coming. Jules kept telling me, even when Adam was small, that he'd end up here. I guess that's what I get for making him your namesake." He glanced over at Adam.

"Well, it's good to know there are a few more Adam McFaddens out there." Adam said with a grin. "Hannah and me, are happy to have him. And the little ones are pleased as punch. They've been pretty lonesome for a pesky brother since Jeb and Jackson left for school."

"Oh, he can manage pesky just fine." Daniel said. "It's strange them growing up and leaving. Jules is broken-hearted. I don't know how we are supposed to manage it."

"They are everything for such a big chunk of your life and then all of the sudden they have to go off and try their wings." Adam said thoughtfully. "You be sweet to Jules, Daniel. When Jackson and Jeb left, Hannah cried and cried."

"You cried too!" Brian said with a laugh.

"Nah, not me. I'm the man of steele." He said laughing. "'Sides by then I'd already lived through my first set of kids growing up!"

"I wonder sometimes," Brian said thoughtfully. "What they would think now of all these McFaddens."

"Yeah." Adam said. "They would've loved all the grandbabies - that's for sure. Mom would've been in heaven! _That_ I can imagine." They nodded their agreement. "Sometimes, it seems unbelievable, you know; thirty years! I can't believe they never knew Hannah, or our kids."

"I look at Caroline sometimes and wish that Mom could've known her, you know." Brian said. "Mom would love all of them, don't you think?"

"Well, I can picture Mom and Gretchen having a few intense conversations!" Daniel said thinking of Crane's wife. "Mom would have had to overcome Crane marrying a _democrat_!"

"Oh, that's for true."

"Things sure would have been different if . . ." Daniel said thoughtfully and Adam looked up sharply.

"Oh, nothing really comes of thinking that . . ." Adam interrupted.

"No. I mean, you would've gone to school, and probably married someone else. Who knows if I would've gotten into music so much."

"It was the only thing that comforted you." Adam said remembering.

"You probably wouldn't have married Hannah." Brian said. "And I would've inherited this gig."

"That was the plan." Adam said.

"Really?" Brian asked.

"Yeah, Dad knew my heart wanted to roam, although, I don't know. I don't think I would be a good doctor. I'm not a man for sitting indoors, and I was smart here in Murphy's but who knows how I would've done in a big school. Maybe I would be right here where I am now. And I can't imagine not being married to Hannah! It makes me a little sick to even think it!"

"You got lucky there, brother!" Daniel agreed. "What the hell were you thinking marrying her and _not_ telling her about us!"

"I was thinking too clearly at the time." Adam admitted. "I just wanted to spend the rest of my days kissing her. I couldn't let you fellas scare her away. Those other girls walking away; Liz, Shannon and even PJ, I could manage that. It wasn't really love, but that girl! Lord, I would never have lived through it!"

"It was probably the stupidest thing you ever did - not telling her. She should've run off!" Brian said. "Especially the way we treated her."

"It seems like ages ago, and yesterday too." Adam said.

"I wonder about the other Adams." Daniel said. "Yours and mine. What kind of men they'll be and what kind of lives they'll have after we're gone. Adam Jackson is twenty now, and my Adam will be eighteen next month. We are in uncharted territory now."

"What do you mean?" Adam turned a puzzled face to Daniel.

"We didn't have parents at that age; they do." Daniel said.

"Yeah, that's true." Adam said. "I never thought of it. By the time I was the twins age, Brian and me had been running this place for nearly three years! We had almost got a schedule down." He bumped his brothers shoulder.

"We thought it would never end." Brian said shaking his head. "All the work - the homework, the lunches, the fights, the chores - it seemed like it would go on and on and on." He glanced at Adam. "I wish I'd know how fast it would be over, and everyone would scatter to the winds. I wish I'd been wise enough to enjoy it more, and worry about it less."

"I remember thinking nearly every night that it would be sixteen years before Guthrie was grown. Sixteen. That number used to be the last thing I thought of before I slept. And then one day, he was looking me straight in the eye hugging me good-bye."

"Next it will be Riley." Daniel said.

"And your little Anna!" Adam responded.

"We sound like old men on a park bench and not one of us is fifty." Brian said with a grin. "Although, some of us are closer than others." He said bumping Adam's shoulder.

"Dad was never fifty." Adam said.

"We are, all of us, older than he ever was. That's so strange to think, isn't it?" Daniel shook his head in disbelief.

"You know it is nearly eleven." Hannah said stepping out onto the porch. "Those cows aren't gonna let you sleep in."

"That's why we have all these babies. The kids will manage. It's time to let Adam Daniel experience a rancher's life." Adam said laughing. Hannah smiled and sat down on the step in front of Adam resting her arm on his leg.

"What are you talking about anyway? Your feelings and emotions?" She teased them.

"The miracle of stubborn women who stick it out when they should run." Brian said with a grin.

"Oh, you are talking about the McFadden brides then. Crazy women, every single one." She said laughing.

"You should know." Adam laughed. "You are their founder."

"No way! I was tricked. The rest of them _willingly _joined the team!"

"You make it sound like I trapped you."

"You did. And you used your poor brother's with their big helpless eyes as bait." She grinned at him and leaned back in his arms. She held out her hand and he passed her his beer.

"Water under the bridge now, darlin'." He said.

"I'm not the founder anyway, that was your mama. She was the first brave McFadden wife to come to Circle Bar Seven. I just wish she'd left some instructions behind."

"You and me both." Adam said.

"We did alright." Brian said softly.

"You did better than alright." Hannah said firmly.

Brian shook his head at her. "You are nothing but trouble, you know that."

"You've mentioned it from time to time." She smiled at him.

"Well, we aimed to raise them right." Adam said.

"And you did." Daniel said smiling up into his brother's face. "You did just great, Dad."

Adam Jackson McFadden, Jr. shook his head smiling at his younger brother. His wife sat in his arms, and his brother at his side - his two co-parents to his brothers. He didn't respond with his usual "Don't call me Dad" but instead turned to Daniel and said, "Nah, you're the one who did great, son."


	5. Chapter 5

Adam McFadden looked down at the face of his wife and smiled. She was shockingly beautiful considering she'd spent the last twelve hours working for this moment. They lay the tiny baby in her arms and, tough as he was, Adam was overwhelmed with joyful tears. He leaned close, kissing her cheek.

"You did so good." He said surprised by the tearful sound of his own voice. "I love you."

Her smile was like an explosion of light; he was completely dazzled by it. "I love you, too."

He leaned close and kissed the tiny forehead. "Hey, there, little buckaroo. I'm your dad and this is your mama. Welcome to the world. We are so glad you are here!"

"Do you have a name?" One of the nurses asked them.

"Yes." Adam was surprised with how quickly his wife responded. "His name is Adam Jackson McFadden, Jr." She smiled up at her husband.

"I thought we agreed on . . ."

"I know." She cut him off. "But I've been thinking and thinking about it, Adam. And why wouldn't I name him after you?"

"But I thought we agreed that it was too much . . ."

"You are the best man I know." She interrupted again. "I want my son to be like you."

"They gave you some really good drugs, honey." He said laughing.

"I suppose so." She agreed. "Adam, Jr." She repeated. "Adam, just like his dad."

"Kate, I've got no . . ." He rubbed a hand over his face thinking this was probably the worst time to admit he was terrified. "I didn't have a dad. How can I . . ."

She reached a hand out and rubbed the side of his face gently. "Adam, you are going to be a great father." He glanced at her shyly. Her smile widened and with gentle, loving hands she lifted their son, and set him in his arms.

He couldn't believe how small he was; couldn't believe that he was truly theirs. He looked into his son's tiny face and recognized traces of Katie's features. The baby opened his eyes just then, and Adam, Sr. found himself staring into a dark pair of eyes that mirrored his own.

"Hey, little guy." He said softly. He sat down on the edge of the bed so that he held the baby between them. "Hey, Adam." He glanced down at Kate who nodded her head. "I tried to talk her out of naming you after me, but she's stubborn - you'll learn all about that later, I'm sure. I didn't think it was fair to give you my name. You are your own man. You can choose your own path and your Mama and me, we'll help you any way we can."

"Adam's a good solid name." Kate said looking into her son's dark eyes. "And your Daddy is a good man to model yourself after. I hope you grow up as strong and steady as he is."

"I hope he grows up better." Her husband said kissing her cheek. As for Adam Jackson McFadden, Jr., he missed most of this exchange as he had fallen back to sleep; it had been after all, a long day; his very first.

***7***

Adam clung tightly to Hannah's hand as they rushed through the doors. He slowed to a stop and looked all around him. He tried to read the signs but found he couldn't get his eyes to focus completely.

"Which way is maternity?" He heard Hannah's steady, familiar voice ask. A nurse near them pointed and they continued their race down the hallway.

Daniel saw them first and fairly ran to them. He put his hands on Hannah's shoulders, grinning from ear to ear. "A boy! Can you believe it? A boy!" She laughed and embraced him, kissing his cheek.

"Oh, Daniel! You are a father!" She exclaimed her eyes brimming with tears. "Where is he? Can we see him? How's Julia?"

"She was amazing! You can see him in a minute." He glanced over at his brother. " A boy? What do you think about that?"

Adam found himself incapable of words. He reached out and pulled Daniel to his chest, clapping him hard on the back several times.

"I wanna see him." He said huskily.

Daniel led them down the hall to the room where his wife lay. She smiled up at them as they came into the room. Hannah immediately went to her, kissing her cheek.

"Oh, Julia! You look beautiful!" She exclaimed. "I can't believe you!"

"You are here! Oh good!" Julia said as Adam bent down giving her a kiss. "Daniel was so hoping you would come." She glanced over at her husband. "Did you tell them?"

"Not yet. I was waiting for. . ." As though on cue, a nurse entered pushing the small crib that held Daniel's son.

"Oh!" Hannah gasped as both she and Adam immediately went to the crib. "Daniel! He's beautiful!" Tears glistened in her eyes. Daniel smiled and crossing to them lifted the tiny bundle into his arms. He looked up at his older brother thinking of all the struggles they had faced together; two stubborn mules - that's what Hannah had said time and time again. He could remember standing toe to toe with Adam, red-faced, furious - Adam, equally so. He could remember his older brother wrapping strong arms around him as he wept; a small boy mourning his parents. He could remember ten thousand things and looking up into his brother's face he recognized that this moment would be one of their finest to be locked and stored away for all time - to be tucked somewhere deep in his heart. He glanced over at Jules who nodded, smiling broadly. Hannah sensing something, moved to stand closer to Julia watching the two brothers.

"You wanna hold him?" Daniel asked Adam, his voice thick with tears.

"Yeah." Was Adam's quick and husky reply. Daniel lay his son in his brother's arms feeling a powerful joy. He took a step back looking up at his brother's strong, familiar features. "We . . .uh . . ." He struggled to keep his emotions in check. "We named him Adam." He said simply and his brother ducked his head low, his eyes hidden. He heard Hannah's surprised gasp and glanced at Jules watching as Hannah reached to hold onto her hand - the two women's faces wet with tears.

"Adam Daniel McFadden." Daniel said softly. He watched Adam's jaw shift from side to side; his tell-tale sign of emotion. "I wanted to name him after the best man I knew." He drew in a deep steadying breath. "I wanted to name him after my father - both of them. The one who fathered me, and the one who raised me."

Adam looked up at him then, his eyes bright with tears. He glanced past Daniel at Hannah who nodded and smiled. " I . . .I . . ." He found himself incapable of words and chewed the corner of his lower lip in attempt to keep himself from completely falling apart.

"I hope he grows up as strong and steady as you, Dad." Daniel said softly.

"Oh, Danny." Adam gasped out. He turned away abruptly, looking down into the eyes of his newborn nephew. He kissed the baby and turning, handed the small bundle over to Hannah who greedily accepted him into her arms, greeting this newest Adam McFadden with kisses and coos.

Adam reached out and pulled his younger brother into his arms and with an unsteady voice said, "Oh, son. I hope he grows up better."


End file.
